Firstly, really sorry about last week. I was trying to put pictures and video up and for some reason it kept "publishing" them as just a series of code... don't know what was happening.
And then I figured I would get a chance to try again during the week and just never really got around to it.
Which means I left you on a very depressing note! Sorry! So in repentance I am doing two blog posts today (lucky you).
First things first - things are so much better now. Well, actually they are much the same - but I'm handling them a lot better. I think I was just going through a bit of a low point (as is to be allowed from time to time, I hope) and couldn't quite see the way out of it. I think part of the problem is that this stretch of pregnancy has nothing nearby to pull you through. What I mean is, there aren't any more milestones to wait for and be excited about. The next big thing to happen is the actual birth, and these next 12-16 weeks are just a slow progression towards that. In the past I've had a scan to look forward to, or the first movements, or the first sign of a bump etc. Each one was the next rung on the ladder and it was exciting to finally reach it and know that I was climbing away. But then, all the sudden, I couldn't see the next rung. There was no next rung. Nothing left but the very top and that was still too far up to consider reaching it.
So I've done what I've always done in these situations. I had a bit of a mope. I let myself wallow in a bit of self-pity. And when I'd had my fill I shifted my perspective to a new, optimistic one.
I'm not slowly climbing a ladder anymore, looking to step up each new milestone until I reach the top. Instead, I'm on the downhill slide. I'm one week away from the third trimester. I don't need to do anything, I don't need to wait for anything. I'm just going to take each day as it comes and enjoy the ride down. It's happening without me and letting go of that control is a lovely thing. Yes, this slide can be a bit of a bumpy one. Every now and then there are sections that could even be described as unpleasant. But they are part of the journey and that makes it exciting. I came to the realisation that as bitter as I can be about the process from time to time, it is still an inherently exciting one that makes me amazed at myself and what my body can accomplish. And, as hard as it is to believe in the here and now, I know myself well enough to know that I will miss it when it's over. In the grand scheme of things, by which I mean the grand 40+ weeks, there's not that much left. I might as well live each day as it is and as it slides to the happy conclusion.
Which is all to say that I feel much better now, thank you. :)
And what has that got to do with Father's Day?
I know that I am lucky to be blessed with someone who will be a fantastic father. Pregnancy is certainly hard work for the mother, but that doesn't make it easy on the father. This experience is taking me on a ride that could easily be self-contained and singular. It takes someone special to actively decided to join you. But even worse - they're doing it all blind-folded. I imagine it feels very out-of-control to watch the process without feeling it. To simply support an emotional meltdown without knowing where it's coming from. And to learn to identify as a "Father" without the positive feedback and closeness that is inherent to mothers in pregnancy.
But they do it. They choose to be involved. To engage. To understand. To support. That is what makes someone a fantastic father before their baby is even born. James is one. But I know so many more. And they don't stop when the baby is born. I don't just have someone who will be a fantastic father, I also have a fantastic father. I'm blessed with an understanding of what it means to have a father's support, love, pride, and sacrifice. So this is dedicated to all of the Dads (first and foremost my own, of course) who do not let the women in their lives simply "get on with it" but are instead an active participant on every level. To every father who feels the same intense love from the very start, and even before.
Happy Father's Day Dad! I love you!
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