Gifts and Freak Outs (8 weeks)

So I had something lovely happen today - while I was at work busily typing away and being, in general, extremely professional and productive (ie: on facebook) there was a knock on the office door.  It was the postman!  I love getting stuff delivered to my work - there's a lovely postman that brings it all around straight to your office - brilliant!  Anyway, I pulled myself away from my intensely important excel spreadsheet (facebook) to accept a package purchased for me from my mother!  It was a beautiful baby quilt: 

And three matching sleep suits:

They are really lovely and sweet and beautiful and the whole office cooed over them. (except Adam - when he realised I'd asked if he wanted to see something 'adorable' and not 'horrible' he was a bit disappointed)
 

And then I opened the sleepsuits package up to take them out and see what they were like individually.  
And I freaked out.


Let me just clarify.  I have seen baby clothes before.  I have even held them before.  Sometimes they even had babies in them!  But I haven't gotten any baby clothes for me yet.  

So this is the first set of baby clothes I've held that are for me.  For me.  Because I am having a baby.  A real baby.  It will be very small and it will wear baby clothes.  In fact, it will wear these baby clothes.  These clothes will have a baby in them that will be MY baby and it will be this small and it will be depending on me and expecting me to know what I'm doing.  And that's scary.  And exciting.  And daunting.  And beautiful.  And terrifying.  And amazing.  
And I cried. 

I don't know if it's normal to cry over a jungle print sleepsuit - but I've lost track of what's normal these days.  All I know is that I had a split second when things suddenly became very very real, and it was overwhelming.  I don't know if I'm ready for real yet.  But then again, I don't know when I will be ready.  Hopefully before the 18th of September... but I have my doubts.  Perhaps when I first put the little one in a fantastic jungle themed sleepsuit I will look back on today and laugh at myself for being so silly... but in the meantime I'm resigned to letting reality take its time to settle.  One small sleepsuit at a time.